The World's Ten Best And Ten Worst
by ChildishPervert
Summary: A bet between the Bad Friend Trio turned out extremely bad in favor for Prussia, but France and Spain seem to annoy the penalty. Rated M for later chapters; coarse language & yaoi lemons of three different pairings.
1. The Shocking Truth!

**The World's Ten Best and Ten Worst**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any characters. Hidekaz Himaruya does.

**Main characters:** Prussia, Germany, France, Spain.  
**Minor characters: **At least 20 others, lol.

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Part 1: The shocking truth!

Ludwig sighed as he walked through the long hallway. He could already hear the loud voices from the regular meeting room even though it was still a good few feet away. Well what did you expect? These 19 countries, excluding Ludwig himself, had been placed without further explanation. Ludwig tried hard to remember how he got into this situation in the first place. His older brother, Gilbert, had been the one to start it all. The former Kingdom of Prussia had made a bet with his friends, Antonio and Francis, to see which country would be considered the best lover in the world. Of course only Gilbert could think up a stupid bet like this, his pride and ego ready to shine. Ludwig wondered if Gilbert would like the results he had currently neatly folded in a top secret map.

The German entered the room and looked upon the different people who were present. Good, it seemed everyone had made it. A hand appeared on his shoulder and Ludwig turned to see his smirking brother. Gilbert eyed the map in the other's hand curiously. Ludwig sighed and pushed the hand off his shoulder, too embarrassed to say a word. Gilbert was left confused and Ludwig took in his place as the self-proclaimed head of the meeting. He cleared his throat but only a few people got silent to pay attention. Ludwig waited a couple of minutes before he slammed his fists on the table.

England gave him an unimpressed look; this was how the German always started the meeting. Arthur tucked one last time on France's hair before he sat down. The Frenchman winced and raised his hand to hit the other but Arthur's siblings, Wales, Scotland and North- plus South-Ireland, interfered. With four against one, Francis knew better than to continue so he quietly sat down next to Canada, muttering about Arthur bringing the whole of Great Britain. The Canadian gave a friendly smile but was slightly shaking. The source sat opposite of him and was staring with a kind smile.

The seats besides Russia were both vacant. It wasn't surprising and it didn't bother him either. He liked to have some space for himself. He continued to stare at the Canadian, who cowered with a whimper. Ivan had already fun before the actual meeting had started. His eyes only shifted when Ludwig spoke.

"Hello everyone, it is great to see you all could come here in such a short notice."

"Speaking of short notice; would you mind telling me why I'm here with those four?"

Arthur looked quite annoyed and turned to tell his siblings to stop bothering each other. Why did he have to bring them in the first place? Normally Arthur would come along and he preferred it that way. The English man gave Ludwig a glare. It was already bad enough America was also present, slurping on his XXL diet coke. America laughed at the quarrel between Arthur's siblings but pouted as said man punched him on the shoulder.

Ludwig placed the top secret map on the table in front of him. All eyes were drawn towards it and finally it was as quiet as could be. It was time for him to announce the thing he preferred to never speak a word of. A blush appeared on his cheeks which intrigued all the nations.

"You're all here because I have some very important news to announce which involves all of you who are present."

The German opened the map and Gilbert's smile grew wider. Ludwig took out a few papers and prepared himself for the worst.

"These are the results of an international poll. This can be an eye-opener for us and it might be so that female travelers judge potential new lovers by looking at these results. This is for the increase of, mainly female, tourism of our countries. Nations with bad results will be told the opinion on the general women so they can improve."

"Hah? I can't remember agreeing to any of this!", said a confused Denmark.

"It's a poll about the ten worst and 10 best lovers in the world! Kesesese..", Gilbert replied with a smug smile.

All was quiet until soft murmuring started. Netherlands and Sweden abruptly stood, both preparing to leave the room. Denmark laughed and tucked at Sweden's jacket. Netherlands was already half way when a tanned hand placed itself on his chest. The Dutchman looked down upon a head with black hair. The head was leaned backwards and an broad smiling Spain looked up at him.

"Where are you going, Holandia? Now's not the time for a smoke, you know."

Netherlands scowled down at him and tried to yank the Spaniard's hand off his chest. Antonio swiftly stood and pushed Netherlands down on his previous seat. Netherlands looked surprised at first but quickly recovered to glare. Antonio winked down at him, knowing his speed was superior than that of the Dutchman. Turkey grinned at him from the opposite table and asked if the Dutchman had anything lose. He could feel Antonio's hands taking a tight grip of his shoulders. This would probably not be the best moment to anger the Spaniard and so Netherlands stayed put with a scowl on his face and crossed arms.

In the mean time Denmark had convinced Sweden to sit back down.

"Come on, Berwald! Aren't you even a bit curious about the results?"

Denmark's smile was mirrored by Antonio, Gilbert and Francis. The trio knew they who was responsible for this unusual meeting and they were anxious to know who had won their bet. All eyes were back on Ludwig as he absentmindedly stared at the list in front of him. The blush on his face had darkened and spread across his whole face when he noticed everyone was staring.

"L-Let's start with the ten best lovers.."

"Aha~ That's no fun! I want to know which of us is the worst first!"

Francis smiled brightly and eyed Arthur. Thick brows knotted together as England glared at him. He felt as is the Frenchman was up to something and he would most certainly figure it out by the end of the meeting. Ludwig seemed nervous but it seemed everyone was agreeing with Francis' suggestion. And thus the list began.

"Placed 10th upon the list of worst lovers is.. Russia. It seems most find you.. too hairy."

Ludwig felt a stream of sweat run down his face as he locked eyes with the smiling Russian. The Italian brothers had a hard time controlling their laughter. They wanted to laugh, but were afraid of the terror Ivan would bring upon them if they did laugh. The other nations kept quiet and Gilbert mentioned nervously for his brother to continue.

"A-ah, right. Placed 9th upon the list of worst lovers is Turkey. People claim you're too sweaty."

Netherlands smirked upon Sadiq's shocked face. He chuckled softly together with some of the others. Sadiq glared fiercely at the Dutchman and pointed at him, yelling at him to not get cocky.

"Placed 8th upon the list of worst lovers is Scotland. They find you too loud, apparently."

Ludwig looked at Arthur's sibling who didn't seem to be very affected by the accusation. Scotland knew his voice was louder than most, but no complaints had been made during the actual act. And therefore Scotland shrugged it off without a word.

"Placed 7th upon the list of worst lovers is Wales. Hm, you're too selfish."

Wales glared and wanted to make a cocky remark, but was smacked by Arthur who hissed for his sibling to be quiet.

"Placed 6th upon the list of worst lovers is … Greece. Too lovey-dovey. I didn't know that could be a bad thing though."

Greece looked up from the table he was lazily staring at. The Turk next to him patted him on his head, reassuring him that there was nothing wrong with his ministrations. Questions popped up in the other nations' minds upon hearing Turkey's words. Could the Turk have experienced these ministrations himself?

"Placed 5th upon the list of worst lovers is America. It says you are too rough."

Alfred grinned and laughed as if proud of his results. Canada blinked at his brother in confusion, wondering why Alfred wasn't defending himself. Memories of Alfred and Canada playing catch came into Matthew's mind. The Canadian started to nod; America was indeed too rough.

"Well, placed 4th upon the list of worst lovers is Netherlands."

"HAH! Who's laughing now, Holland? You're even worse than me, HAH!"

Sadiq had stood up from his seat and laughed at the Dutchman. Said man sighed slightly, disappointed with himself. Antonio, who was still standing behind him, smiled and asked why Netherlands was placed fourth. Germany looked back down on the list and replied.

"Netherlands is too dominating."

The disappointed Dutchman actually had to smile upon Ludwig's words. He had to agree and suddenly looked rather pleased. Sadiq frowned and sat back down unhappy to see the other actually enjoying his place. Gilbert rolled his eyes, impatiently tapping his fingers on the table. He yelled for "West" to "continue already, geeze".

"Placed 3rd upon the list of worst lovers is Sweden. People find you too quick."

Berwald blushed slightly as the Dane beside him began to laugh. Denmark wrapped his arm around the other and whispered something in his ear which only made the Swede blush even more. Berwald decided a punch in the face was in place and so the Dane tumbled backwards, holding his bleeding nose. No one bothered to help the Dane up for he was still laughing loudly. Pain never had much influence on him.

"Placed 2nd upon the list of worst lovers is England."

Francis giggled and swayed his hand at the muttering Arthur.

"You're too lazy."

Those words made the proud England stand up and slam his fist upon the table. His face turned red and his mouth opened but he felt so much rage that no legible words came out. It took all four his siblings to control him and get him seated again. This was probably the only advantage of the presence of Arthur's siblings.

Gilbert laughed at the struggling mass which resembled Great Britain. This meeting was so much fun! But he couldn't wait to see which place he and his brother held. It was probably one of best lovers so it would still take a while. Gilbert crossed his arms with a determined but smirking look on his face. He had to have patience before he could exclaim his awesomeness and push it in everyone's face.

Ludwig stared at the list and felt extremely uncomfortable. He had to do it. All the others had to withstand the same so far. Gulping hard, he raised a hand to cover his face before he spoke.

"Placed 1st upon the list of worst lovers is… is.."

Ludwig turned his head slightly and gave his brother an embarrassed look. The other frowned at him until realization dawned upon him. He stood and yanked the list from his brother's hand, staring at it with widened eyes.

"G-Germany..?"

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**Notes:**  
"Holandia" means "Netherlands" in Spanish.

**A/N:**  
I had so much fun writing this. Simply because it's amusing me to no end that women find Russians hairy and Germans smelly, whaha! I have nothing against Russians or Germans myself btw.

Um, so this is kinda based on a survey I found on the internet in which 20 countries were listed as the 10 worst and the 10 best lovers. I'll give you the link in the second part or else it will ruin the fun of the story, lol.

You may expect at least 4 or 5 more parts of this story, unless I will cut them and make a sequel to this one, who knows. Enjoy.


	2. Ooh La La

The World's Ten Best and Ten Worst

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the mentioned characters, Hidekaz Himaruya does.

**Main characters:** Prussia, Germany, France, Spain.  
**Minor characters:** At least 20 others, lol.

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**Part 2: Ooh La La~**

Gilbert felt his left eye twitching the longer he stared at the truth he held in his very own hands. There was no denying it. According to this list the worst lover was his brother? That meant that not only Ludwig, but the great Gilbert himself was dead last. He glanced at the reason for their shameful place. Gilbert slowly raised his head from the paper and stared his brother in the eyes. The younger brother hung his head and the other nations began to laugh though some only snickered.

"Germany is the worst lover?"

"Kolkolkol.."

"Vee~ The list must be lying!"

"Shut up, annoying little brother. Oi, Gilbert! Tell us why you two are LAST!"

Gilbert turned towards the Italian brothers and both yelped in fear as red eyes glared intensely. Spain laughed wholeheartedly and shared a victorious look with Francis. The Frenchman laughed gently and leaned back in his chair. His eyes focused on the agitated Prussian as he repeated Romano's question, though being a little bit more considerate with the words he used.

Both Germans looked defeated and Ludwig mentioned for his brother to say it already. He himself could not speak the words for he felt too ashamed. And so Gilbert finally replied through gritted teeth.

"We.. We're too smelly."

Turkey and Denmark shared loud laughter. Netherlands tried to suppress the growing smile on his face as he looked out of the window. Brazil and America snickered while England got a smug look on his face.

"Well, well, maybe that's because you Krauts eat too many bratwurst!"

Ludwig sat down in his seat and sunk a little as he continued to hide his face in shame. Gilbert, however, began a rant about how this could not be correct and he searched for objects to launch at all the laughing nations. The laughing continued for another half an hour until Antonio asked if now the best ten lovers could be pronounced. The blushing German removed his hands and felt the urge to disassemble the whole meeting. But he knew he could do not do such a thing. He had to be strong and show that this little detail was of no importance. His nation had lots to be proud of. And so he stood and asked for the crumbled papers from Gilbert. The Prussian had intended to throw it into the trashcan, but stubbornly gave them to Ludwig.

Slowly soothing his pride, Gilbert sat back down and waited for his brother to continue. The meeting had suddenly become so unawesome.

"Ahum.. Well, let's quickly continue to the ten best lovers. Placed 10th on this list is Canada."

Matthew looked up and seemed quite surprised. Of course all of the nations who had not been placed by now would immediately be placed as one of the best lovers. It still had to take a while before Matthew realized this. Francis smiled proudly and ruffled his hair. Alfred seemed a bit jealous, pouting enormously as he stared at his brother.

"Placed 9th on the list is Denmark."

"Hehe, I just know what a woman wants.", Denmark smugly laughed. Berwald shook his head.

"Placed 8th and 7th upon the list are New Zealand and Australia."

Both nations looked at each other, shared a genuine smile and congratulated each other. Australia rubbed his index finger under his nose with a light blush; a bit overwhelmed by it all.

"Placed 6th is South Africa."

Everyone turned towards South Africa. No one had truly bothered to ever talk to South Africa, except for Netherlands, Australia and England since Afrikaans, a language which originated mainly from Dutch, and English were the only real European languages South Africa knew. Little did the other nations know South Africa knew about eleven different languages in total.

"Well Placed 5th on the list is Ireland."

Both North- and South-Ireland smiled and shared a high five. The other three of Great Britain sighed in relieve. At least some of them were good in bed. However, Arthur knew he had to hear the bragging of his siblings once they had returned home.

"Placed 4th on the list of best lovers is France."

Francis huffed and ran a hand through his hair, disappointed by the fourth place. Canada congratulated him softly as Arthur spoke of the indecent things France loved to do. Francis just laughed but knew he had also lost the bet he had made with Gilbert and Antonio. He didn't mind though, for it was he who had decided the penalty for the losers anyway. Now all that was left was to know which three nations were considered one of the best lovers.

"Placed 3rd on the list of best lovers is Italy."

Ludwig glanced at the Italian brothers. Romano blushed brightly and colorfully cursed the Spaniard who cheered for him. Feliciano stared at the German with his usual happy absentminded face. Ludwig wondered if the northern part of Italy was even paying attention.

"Vee~"

Romano told his little brother to wipe that "annoying" smile off his face, but he continued to stare. Spain chuckled and stared at the nation who, beside himself, had not been placed yet. Brazil, with his Carnival in Rio de Janeiro which is considered one of the greatest shows on Earth. Antonio released his tight grip on the shoulders of Netherlands. The Dutchman sighed and wanted to rub the aching spots but decided against it. He didn't want Antonio to see the pain he had inflicted on him.

Ludwig cleared his throat and continued.

"The last two are Brazil and Spain. Either one of them is the best lover in the world, the other placed 2nd ."

The Brazilian and the Spaniard locked eyes, both smiling confidently.

"Placed first and thus placed as best lover in the world is.."

Antonio did not only see this as a battle for his position as best lover, but also as his position for best dancer. He knew of Brazil's sensual samba, but was equally famous for his passionate flamenco.

"Spain!"

Brazil lowered his head slightly, admitting defeat. Antonio smiled widely and took a bow for the applause which he got from the other nations. Netherlands grumbled something in Dutch and Francis complimented his companion. Antonio placed a hand on Netherlands' head and leaned down to whisper something in his ear.

"Seems like I won this round as well. No worries, I will gladly teach you some tricks to get in the top lovers of the world."

All the Dutchman did was grit his teeth and try to control his anger as the Spaniard straightened again and went to pat the disappointed Prussian on the back. Gilbert was not amused by Antonio as the Spaniard wrapped an arm around his neck. Francis soon joined them with a smile. The smile grew as he stared at the other two. His stare was returned by worrisome red eyes and excited green eyes.

"Hmmm… You're not backing out of the bet now that you've lost, are you, Gilbert?"

"O-Of course not! Only sissies back out and don't keep their promises!"

"That's good to hear! I've already set my sight on my candidate."

"Ah? But you won Antonio. There's no need for you to undergo the penalty."

Antonio turned his head slightly with sparkling eyes. Francis raised an eyebrow and followed the path of the Spaniard's eyes. He made a noise which indicated his interest as he laid his eyes upon the smoking man near the open window. Antonio smiled at Francis and nudged the third part of the Bad Friend Trio.

"You better get to it as well."

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So was there anyone who knew Spain would be the winner? :P I wasn't surprised, except for Denmark being in the same top 10, lol.  
Here is the link to the site where I found the two top 10s: .com/channel/sex/the-worlds-10-best-worst-lovers-517988

Thanks to everyone who has read part 1 and who has written a review ^^ I like getting them and it motivates me to write more~ lol  
So if you want part 3 to be uploaded as soon as possible, please share your opinion with me on this fanfiction!


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